Excerpts From A Dad’s Diary

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I was editing the presentation my boss had to deliver tomorrow to the board. It was more of cleaning the shit he had drafted and making his pants look neater. I was feeling strangled and choked of his pungent and rotten mess. I could really smell it, as if his voluptuous assets were in the vicinity of my nasal perforations. This weird thought got me up the slumber. It was 6:30 in the morning. My 15 months old darling daughter was sitting on my chest and occasionally would jump a little while making a groaning sound and smiling mischievously. I was happy and thankful that there was no boss around and it was a bright Sunday morning. Wifey dear had left for her friend’s marriage the previous night.

I smiled back at her and would have to match her groans with some funny sound from the epiglottis, each time she jumped on my chest. There was no boss around, yet the smell was very strong and was getting prominent with every jump. The source was very close to me.  Real close. The detective in me came to life and with no second thought I grabbed her by the waist and made her lay down next to me. All the instructions regarding changing diapers revolved around me like some standard operating procedure. I quickly laid down the mat while grabbing the wet tissues with the other hand. Very efficiently I kept her on the mat and gave her my mobile to divert her attention while I planned  to change her diapers. I swiftly took off her pyjamas in one swift action but something held me back as I was about to remove the soiled diaper. It was the engineer within me to glance through the checklist before the execute command. I rechecked, wet tissues, changing mat, my mobile; every important ammunition was there to make this a successful operation. There was no chance of failure. With great confidence I removed the soiled diaper. The situation under the diaper was miserable than the boss’s presentation. I could have easily resolved the latter one. My confidence trembled a little, but then with all my courage I lifted her legs a little, took out the wet tissue from the box and placed it aesthetically to cover the mess. With one swift hand action I tried to pick up the entire mess in one single scoop. It was probably very ambitious and I ended up pinching her skin instead. She wailed and jerked my hand. The wet tissue with all the processed item from last night’s meal fell next to her. In no moment the mobile, which she was holding onto till now, fell from her hand and landed on the sludgy material with a splash. I was perplexed. I had not planned for any contingency. She was staring at me with eyes wide open. In such grim situations one ought to remember his mother. I did the same and with lightning speed took her to the washroom and cleaned her waist down with water. I changed her pants and with riveting salute to Mommy dear, I switched on the television set with her favorite songs.

She got engrossed in the songs and suddenly my phone rang. With whatever little I could make out, it was probably the boss. Now, I had two assignments for cleanup. With whatever little experience I have in either cases, I think editing a PowerPoint is much easier.

HATS OFF to my wifey dear..

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