In the morning today as usual I rushed to prepare breakfast for my husband. My little baby (half-asleep) was still in the bed and as I was about to put parantha on the Tawa, I heard her scream. She had fell down from the bed with her eyes still- closed, full of tears. I put her back on my lap instantly and offered her my body warmth to soothe her. I was partial shocked, worried at the incidence, and at my stupidity ( as well hers). I hugged her tightly and continued to murmur ‘Everything is fine sweety, Mumma is here!!’ I realized that nothing in life is more important to me apart from her well being and how I have too become an eminent part of a cute-yet-fragile diva.. She has born in year 2015, the year that more about my ‘acceptance’ as a mother but this is the year that has made me ‘realized ‘ that being a mother is best thing that has actually happened to my life. Life has never been so beautiful…
Ok I agree babies are just not cute, they cry and they wriggle a lot. And you can’t plan to go pubs, late-night disc or long drives with them, leave alone any trekking, mountain-climbing or ice-skiing that you have ever dreamt about. We missed to visit so many places this year, though we made few plans but only few got executed. Crowd, distance, rain, cold, hot, humid – we had all sort of reasons to perfectly exclude all the destinations out of our mind but on the contrary we discovered shorter getaways like a greeny park 2 miles away for a lazy weekend breakfast cum liesure and visit to a bird sanctuary to caught a glimpse of migratory birds- and that was actually not disappointing. And at times when we didn’t had any option we happily stayed at home, sat on sofa or bed and watched our little devil drooling over us, cribbling our nose,poking our eyes, punching our tummy and pulling hairs and yes we got irritated but still felt astonished with that ‘Wow Feeling’ that’s impossible to explain!!
This was also the year when I switched from Amazon to First Cry, Jabong to Hopscotch and Lavie to Diaper Bag. Honestly saying, that ain’t brought any difference to me but what matters is the realization that life can be so amazing when you weave colors for your baby’s life. Intial months after her birth, I panicked about how I will survive as a mother . We as women take 9 months to deliver a baby, we just can’t start feeling like a mother in a day; it takes time. This year in Jan when she turned 5 month, I also begun to mature as a mother. When the maternity leaves got over I visualized how unlike rest of the folks my leaves still got continued, and life literally changed for me. It was no more about packing the laptop bag and moving out of the shell but to become an itinerary for a 6 month old baby. And as per my discovery about motherhood, it’s not like an ideal job where as you plan so you will reap, albeit the more you try to be an ideal mom , the more troubles you will face. So it’s better to set yourself free and just be a mother the way your baby looks forward to be and life will be more beautiful.. I tried this thing when my frustrations and depression soared high and I could feel the difference!!
While some are enjoying their work, few are raising toast to their promotions. Some has got married and few are still in line of their ‘lucky’ bachelorhood. Some are feeling relaxed as their kids have grown up and few are beautifully managing their jobs as well as their home. When the Women around me were sharing their pics online in the best-fit dresses, I was going insane how none of the dress in my shelf fits me! How people were enjoying their fitness routine whereas I was busy searching chocolates in my fridge. . . But slowly things and my perception began to change with the onset of this year.
And while a creature like me has happily (miserably too) shunned her past life but nonetheless this year I did something new. I took part in a 10km pinkathon and then a half-marathon whereas I never ran so much in my whole life!
I also learned to express myself. I created a new chapter to my blog that I started few years back but couldn’t got any chance to update that. There were moments when I assumed myself to be emotionally weak, and in those points I used my words to rise back and proved myself that I’m not alone or empty or worthless. I wrote through my personal blog and through mycity4kids that unveiled a new chapter for me:)
Motherhood is not an redundant responsibility but a rainbow of infinite engagements and values…
So when the world around me is gearing up for the New Year celebrations and heading to a perfect destination for a hula-hoop night, what I’m looking forward is a comfortable eve to sit together somewhere peacefully, may be sip a half glass of wine and welcome the new year with serene..